Balance.

Well, hello!

It’s me.

And I’m back! While I haven’t been California-dreaming like Adele, I have been slacking majorly on my blogging game for quite a while. And by “quite a while” I mean my last post was in…March? Eek. Well, after my few-months hiatus (which I have no legitimate excuse for) I’ve finally found my way back to my blog.

I know a lot of bloggers follow a schedule and post at least once a week, but being the rebel that I am I thought Screw schedules! Don’t tell me what to do! and decided I would just post whenever I felt the blogging urge. That was actually okay for while, but then other things like work and life come up as they do, and the blogging urge got cast aside by everything else. Which brings me to what I’ve been thinking a lot about recently: balance.

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Balance has become more and more relevant and significant in my life. I feel so lucky to be able to be doing the two things I am passionate about: teaching yoga and playing music. Its so crazy to think about where I am now compared to where I was only a few months back. Time really flies! Just a few months ago I was finishing training to be an instructor and wondering when I’ll finally be able to start teaching for real, and now I have 8 regularly scheduled classes each week and sometimes sub a few additionals.  During this time I also met a crazy-amazing singer, started a band with her, and together we’ve played two shows and are in the process of recording some of our songs (!!). Basically between teaching and music stuff, my weekly schedule is a little sporadic.

Here’s one thing I’ve realized: balance looks different for everyone.

Even though I’m not longer working a 9-5 job, I’m still struggling to make time for myself. I somehow keep finding myself with a consistent 2 a.m. bedtime and constantly thinking about how there is not enough time in the day. Something many seasoned yoga instructors warned me about teaching is that you can easily start to lose your own practice, especially as a new teacher – and I definitely have learned this first-hand. During the last couple weeks, my own yoga practice has dwindled down to 1 and sometimes even 0 times a week. And on top of that, when do I fit in other life things like grocery shopping, doing laundry, and spending much-needed quality time with my cat? On the one hand, I’m so grateful for all of the opportunities that have come up and that I can do the things I love. But on the other hand I can definitely feel my energy is often low, and I don’t want to end up losing my passion. Needless to say, the struggle for balance is real right now.

Whenever I do balancing poses in yoga such as Dancer, Eagle, or headstands, I often talk about focus and breath – finding something to focus on and breathing through the struggle. A large part of balancing is about control and self-awareness, and how to stay calm when things around you are shifty. And what do you know, that’s just like in life! Balance in life is having that awareness about what you need, when to take a step back or when to push forward.

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Actually, it can be a lot different things. Balance is kind of a funny thing – we don’t always know exactly what being balanced looks like during that particular moment, but we can always tell when things are off balance (i.e. me currently). Just like doing poses in yoga, balance can look different each day, each moment. A pose I’ve done a million times can, and most likely does, feel different each time. That’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if you’re working a 9-5 job, or you have an unconventional job with odd hours, or if you’re not working but have other commitments. Everyone’s schedule is going to look different. It’s not a competition of who is busier, who has more. Balance is something that everyone can relate to.

I guess there’s no real resolution to this thought since I’m still in the midst of balance-seeking, but here’s what I’ve learned. Balance can mean something different from one person to the next, from each moment to another depending on where we are in life and what we need. It’s not an end goal where once we reach it we have it forever. It’s more like an ongoing process, something we can and are always working toward. As we keep learning more about our selves and building up that self-awareness, I think it will come easier each time to find balance.

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✌Carissa

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